I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
