dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
