he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just sucked dick on a ferry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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