i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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