I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
