i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
