They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
