i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my liver is dry heaving
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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