And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In other news, I just burned my penis
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
