Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
