I am puke
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
