my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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