She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
