I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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