My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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