when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
