Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
