I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
