I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
