The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
