I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
