Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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