I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
