I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
