So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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