so explain again why im purple
no
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
