Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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