If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
