the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
