Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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