A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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