Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
