My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
