your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
