There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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