Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
