Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
