Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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