hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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