the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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