her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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