How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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