Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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