we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like, not good at living.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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