Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
