she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he thought i was a dude.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
