dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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