Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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