Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
