I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
