This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
