So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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