We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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