Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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