nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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