Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
