Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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