She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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