shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
