and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
