Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
