neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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