yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
