idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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