Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
