You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize