I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
